Writing Tip Wednesday: Tips for writing when you’re a parent

Or, how to become completely deranged.

Let’s face it. Parenting is tough enough. When you’re trying to get your writing done, it’s downright nuts. You’re constantly interrupted, there are always chores to do, and your family wants to eat (the nerve!).

So, what’s a writer to do? Well, I can’t promise that I have all the answers, but today I’m going to go over some tips that parents have implemented in order to get our writing projects done.

First, Writer’s Digest published an article on How to Write when you’re a Parent. They’ve given some good advice to remember on your writing journey, which I’ve summarized below:

1. Get over yourself. I love this one. Abandon perfection. Life will always get in the way of writing. Ignore the pile of clothes to be washed and dishes to be scrubbed. I’ve said this before: prioritize writing over such mundane tasks. If you don’t prioritize your writing over chores (which will never be completely done and caught up on), then you will likely never be published and never make your career as a writer. There are ALWAYS things to do around the house.

… you can’t have the environment you once envisioned every great writer having. You are not Ernest Hemingway. You are not Charles Bukowski. But you can be so much more, because despite the obligations and responsibilities that fill your day-to-day life, you’re still committed to your craft and determined to build your career. Focus on your end goal and the reasonable steps you can take to attain it, and don’t worry about fulfilling some romanticized ideal of a writer’s life.

Writer’s Digest

2. Always write. This is not an instruction to ignore your family. “Writing” does not have to mean putting pen to paper or fingers to keyboard. If you’re thinking about scenes, characters, opening paragraphs, and plot structure during the day, when you’re at the grocery store or playing with your kids, then you are “writing” because you are constantly creating. You are “writing” when you are reading, too. If you’re doing this, then you’re doing your job. So please don’t be hard on yourself on the days that you don’t actually sit down and put words on paper.

3. Allow writing to become inconvenient. Words don’t always come easy when we want them to.

Instead of getting frustrated when the time you’ve set aside to write produces nothing, use that time of nonexistent inspiration to play with your child or complete that list of chores. And when inspiration does hit – especially if you’re at home – get to your computer and start writing…This way, the time you take with your son or daughter is time void of frustration or regret or resentment, and the time you spend writing is productive and creative and fulfilling.

Writer’s Digest

To this, I would add: be present in the moment to the best of your ability. When you’re writing, write. When you’re interacting with your child, focus on your child, make eye contact, and ask questions. It’s easy to get frustrated when parenting gets in the way of accomplishing our writing goals. Kids, however, don’t always understand this, especially when they’re little.

How you write when you’re a parent definitely changes as the kids get older. When my son was a baby, I would put him in his baby carrier and he would sleep on my chest as I wrote on my laptop. Later, he would play next to me as I wrote, or I would write during his naps. Now he’s largely independent, and I can write in my office when he does something else. I’ve also started doing periods of free writing with him, where we write in a sprint for 15 minutes. And I ask him to read some of my scenes to get his opinion. Kids love it when parents ask for their opinions; it makes them feel empowered and important. Writing together is also good bonding time.

I’ll add one more thing here: Don’t necessarily wait for inspiration to hit in order to sit down and write. If your kid is at a friend’s house and you find yourself with some time, just sit down and write. Write anything. Just the mere act of starting often opens the floodgates on the creative juices.

4. Ask for help. If you’re like me, this doesn’t come easy. “I’ll do it myself or die trying” was my mantra for years. I’ve learned to ask for help and delegate tasks, especially to my kid now that he’s older.

Asking a partner, family member, or babysitter to watch your kid for a day does not mean that you’re a bad parent. It means that you’re human and need to recharge your batteries, just like everyone else.

***

I also asked some of my writer friends who are parents how they manage to write with little ones at home. Some parents would hang a sign outside their home office doors indicating that they were not to be bothered during writing time. Others would get up very early or stay up very late. One writer I know would set her alarm for 3am, and would write for a couple of hours before her children woke up. She completed and published two novels that way.

I’m not a morning person. I’m a night owl and tend to stay up very late. In fact, I LOVE writing late at night when everyone is asleep, even the dogs, and there are no interruptions, no texts, no phone calls, and no barking at the mailman. Sometimes I pay for it in the morning, but it’s still my favorite time to write.

I hope those tips are helpful to you. Check out the complete Writer’s Digest article if you’d like more.

What’s your writing process like with kids around? How has your writing schedule changed as the kids got older?