3 Tips to Motivate your Teen

It is more difficult than ever to be a teenager. Even though you went through this rite of passage yourself, things are different today. Teens feel more pressure to achieve and to find their place in society. All this while dealing with the myriad of distractions that plague us today, pulling us in different directions and demanding our attention. It is easy for them to feel as if they do not have control over their lives.

This feeling of a lack of autonomy contributes to a host of issues, some of which I myself experienced as a teen and talk about openly on my YouTube channel.

Still, parents have the power to combat all of this. There are MANY things we parents can do to raise emotionally healthy teens into responsible, independent adults. I want to share a few of those things today, so read on.

#1 Do not be afraid to let your teen fail

This may seem counterintuitive. What does this have to do with motivation? Well, we cannot always save our teens from the consequences of their own actions. Not only that, it’s not a good idea because they will get used to having someone else to always rescue them. Teens need to figure things out for themselves. They need to deal with consequences and learn to think about and foresee consequences before they act. They cannot learn to do this if we are always swooping in to rescue them.

#2 Stop comparing your teen’s school performance with others

Your teen actually feels DE-motivated when you do this, because it reinforces their insecurity that they are not good enough.

Moreover, a teen who gets straight As in high school is not guaranteed to have a successful, fulfilling, easy life. And the fact that your teen does not get perfect grades does not mean that they will fail at life, or will not be able to deal with life. Focus instead on making sure they have the tools to prioritize and complete tasks; and on whether they are effectively learning material that will serve them in adulthood. Most importantly, focus on creating the relationship where your teen feels comfortable talking to you about anything.

#3 Remember that you are parenting for the long haul

You are not just helping your teen get an A in a class or helping them find the right extracurricular activities to join. You are parenting with the overall relationship and connection in mind. As Gabor Mate says in his book, Hold on to your Kids, the key to raising an emotionally healthy, independent adult is the child’s connection and attachment to parents. When there is a strong attachment and the kids trust the parents, the kids are less likely to get in trouble, more likely to do better in school, and more likely to be self-motivated. A strong attachment allows kids to individuate and become independent.

Focus on being emotionally present with your teens and on spending time with them. I promise that even if it seems as if your teen does not want to spend time with you, they appreciate your efforts and will remember them.

If you have additional questions about these approaches, you can schedule a call directly on my calendar here 🙂